Is Your Relationship Worth Saving? Steps on How to Save a Relationship

John works all the time and Marsha does not feel that he is around the family often enough. Marsha spends most of her time taking care of the children and John feels that she does not spend enough time with him. Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved? Here is how to save a relationship.

First, you must make a decision of whether or not the relationship is worth saving. While just about any relationship can be salvaged through hard work, both parties must make an effort. If one of the two parties is unwilling to try to restore the relationship, then there is not a lot the other party can do.
A lot of people remain in a relationship out of convenience or stay in a marriage for the sake of the children. While the needs of the children should be of the utmost importance, that is often not enough. How to save a relationship begins with both parties making a strong commitment to saving it.

Next, you need to accurately diagnose the real problem or problems in the relationship. One major challenge with how to save a relationship is that many people think the symptoms of the problem are actually the problem itself.
For example, a common misconception by a lot of people is that an affair is actually a problem that leads to break ups. The truth is that an affair is a symptom of a much deeper problem.
An example of this is if a couple doesn't share any true intimacy, one of the partners may seek it somewhere else. Unless the problem of the lack of intimacy is dealt with, the symptoms are likely to reappear again.

Now, maybe the spouse will be guilted into not having another affair, but they may seek to fill that need in another way, like pornography. When you address the core issues that are causing the symptoms to occur, how to save a relationship becomes much easier.

After you have diagnosed the core issues, you can begin to share your thoughts and feelings. By this I mean both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to the concerns of your partner.
Hold their hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you strongly desire to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner discusses things that have wounded you, remember that he/she is only doing it to try to restore the relationship.

After you have identified in detail the core issues that are causing the relationship to crumble, create a plan of action together to address and resolve these issues. Then, take immediate action on your plan.
If not spending enough time together is the issue, plan a night every week to go out together on a date. Come up with different creative things to do on these dates and make them memorable.
If lack of communication is the issue, make a commitment to spend a half hour together every night before bed just talking to each other. Then make sure to FOLLOW THROUGH with these commitments.

Finally, understand that how to save a relationship is a work in progress. Even the best relationships that last many decades have their challenges. Be slow to become angry and quick to forgive and you'll have a much better shot at long-term success.
These are the general steps on how to save a relationship. If your relationship is worth saving, put these steps to action today and your relationship will be on the road to recovery.

Paul Lindquist Find out more about how to save a relationship at www.restore-my-relationship.com

Can Your Relationship Survive This Affair?

I have received enough questions from people over the years asking about how to get past an affair that I wanted to write about it. There are so many intricate details of your personal relationship that factor into this decision that it is challenging to make generalizations but I will provide a list of five general steps to help you determine your best course of action in this moment.
So you’ve just learned your partner was having an affair. Whether you suspected all along and just received confirmation, or you were suddenly confronted with irrefutable evidence, you are likely hurt, disappointed, angry, and devastated. These emotions are flooding your brain with chemicals, making it difficult for you to think clearly.

Steps for Recovery:
1. Calm down so you can think clearly.
Research shows that when you are in a highly emotional state, you are unable to engage in higher order thinking. Your brain goes into reflexive mode, allowing you to either fight, flight or freeze. You need to gain control of these emotions by letting them go so you can be intentional about the decisions you need to make.

2. Get Clear about Your Options.
I always say there are three options when experiencing relationship problems—you can change it, accept it, or leave it.
1. If you want things to change, there are two ways to go about attempting this. You can attempt to change your partner into doing what you want him or her to do. Or, you can attempt to change the situation by changing yourself. You can decide to do something different, change your perceptions, or change your expectations.
2. If you decide to accept it, you need to recognize what happened, know your partner is not perfect, and then decide to move on. This option means you have given up the idea you are going to change the situation. So, again, two options exist: you accept the affair as a mistake and together decide to rebuild your relationship or you recognize your partner may always be unfaithful but you get enough other benefits from your relationship you decide you can accept infidelity.
3. If you want to leave, you can leave emotionally or physically. Emotional leaving involves staying involved on a day-to-day basis but having little to no emotional investment in the relationship. You have built a wall to protect yourself and you don’t let your partner in. The other option is to leave the relationship physically. This means you end the relationship and each go your own separate ways.

3. Once you make a decision about the direction you want to go, know that in most cases it does not have to be a permanent decision. You may choose to try changing your partner’s behavior and your own, and then later decide to leave the relationship. Or you may decide to leave the relationship emotionally, and later invest in changing your own perceptions and behavior. There are any number of possibilities.

4. After you make your decision, stay true to your desires. Don’t allow other people to sway your thinking. Remember, they are not you. They have not lived your life. They may not have the same value system you have. They can only know what’s best for them, not you. Only you can truly know whats right for you so once you get clear, stay true to your inner knowing.

5. It is always helpful to get the unbiased support you need to intentionally, consciously implement your chosen option. You may have many people who will be willing to support you in their way but their way may not be the unbiased support you need. Find someone who will support you in following through on what you want, who doesn’t already have preconceived ideas about what might be best for you. A good life coach or counselor can help you move through these steps.
Remember, if you find yourself in the situation of feeling betrayed by your life partner, you are not at the mercy of his or her actions, or your emotions. You can make conscious, intentional decisions to move yourself in the direction you most want to go.

Kim Olver is a life coach and public speaker who has a graduate degree in counseling, is a National Certified Counselor and a licensed professional counselor in two states. She has spent her entire life helping people get along better with the important people in their lives. Kim works with couples, parents and children, and individuals seeking to improve their lives. Check out her free mastermind group Inside Out Empowerment.

How to Be a Mind Reader

Do you want to be a mind reader? Well, lets get the disappointing part out of the way: You won't be able to hear the thoughts of others, and there is little evidence that anyone has ever had this kind of ability. Most of what passes as mind reading is a mix of nonsense and psychological tactics for creating the appearance of looking into the mind of another.
The good news is that there are ways to get a clue as to what is going on inside a person's mind. Here are several techniques you can try for yourself. I will warn you though, that these can take practice, and are not always easy.

Reading Lips
Some people move their lips when deep in thought, mouthing the words they are hearing or repeating in their minds. If you train yourself in lip reading, you can pick up on their thoughts in this way. Undoubtedly many lip-reading deaf people already do this.
It is even more common for people to move their lips to the words they're reading. Many of us do this without being aware of it. If you observe people reading books or newspapers, then, you might catch them doing this and with practice decipher the movements of their lips to know what they're reading. What they are reading is likely related to what they are thinking at that moment (no big surprise there), so if you bring it up in conversation, it might appear that you have a way into his or her mind - and you do.

Reading Eyes
Eyes can tell us a lot about what a person is thinking because they simultaneously show us what the person is feeling and what they are looking at. Follow the eyes, and pay attention to the total facial expression, and you may gain some insight into how that man or woman feels about things. Is he fascinated by the buildings around him? Is she disgusted by the dogs in the street?
There is another way to read eyes as well. Our pupils get larger when we see something we like, or even when we imagine something desirable. You can prove this to yourself by watching your eyes in a mirror as you vividly picture your favorite person or place. Your pupils will get bigger in a matter of seconds. This is useful knowledge to have if you want a window into another's mind.
For starters, if a man starts talking to you and his pupils get larger as he is looking at you, it is usually a clear sign of interest. This is also true if you see a man or woman looking at someone or something else. A pupil size-change can be due to a change in light (they get larger when it's darker and smaller when it is brighter), but if you can rule that out, watching for this is a way to see what interests people, and who they like to look at.
More than that, you can suggest an image to a person, to see what happens with his or her pupils. Be vivid in your description. Does an imagined trip to a night club elicit a quick enlarging of her pupils while your description of your favorite mountain stream does nothing? You might want to suggest a trip to the club or find a woman who likes mountains.

The Easiest Way To Be A Mind Reader
Do you have a friend who is always talking about money problems? Then you have a clue as to what he is thinking. The easiest way to be a mind reader is to be aware of the things that your friends and acquaintances are repeatedly saying. What we say comes from what we think, and what we think is usually repeated again and again.
We all advertise our thoughts on our faces, in what we read, what we do and what we say. Pay attention and you'll soon start seeing the clues.

Copyright Steve Gillman. You'll find more on Mind Reading in "Secrets You Aren't Supposed To Know." To get your copy, or to sign up your free "secrets" course, visit: http://www.TheSecretInformationSite.com

Learn to Develop Trust in Your Relationships

It cannot be said enough that trust is the anchor in any and every relationship that we maintain in our lives. The said relationship may manifest in the form of a friendship, business, family or even love – whatever it might be, the most fundamental aspect to that relationship has to be trust in and respect for each other. You must understand that, for any relationship to work out and blossom further, you have to constantly work at maintaining and strengthening that ‘trust’ factor.
Any relationship finally breaks down if there is extreme lack of trust in it. No matter how hard you try, that bond will never be able to flourish completely without both parties perfectly understanding and accepting each other’s motives. Not placing enough trust means that there exists a lot of worry and doubt in that association
Of course, it sometimes gets difficult to totally trust someone, especially if you have been hurt in some way in a past relationship of some kind. So how do you unlearn your conditioning from all those previous unfortunate experiences and learn to get back that trusting quality you once possessed?
Accept and trust yourself
To unlearn all the negative patterns of thought you have developed through the years, you have to first learn to let go of the past. Forgive yourself and others for all mistakes committed and all the misunderstandings that have come in the way. Acknowledge your mistakes and accept yourself for what you are. All of us have our negatives, some which we simply have to learn to live with.
Learn to trust yourself and your own capabilities. You will only be able to shed your distrusting attitude if you first learn to accept, trust and love yourself. Remember, the macro is the micro. The external world, for us, is only a manifestation of our internal selves. If we continue to be positive, we will have positive experiences in our own lives.
Learn to let go
Learning to let go is a major step towards shedding that over-watchful attitude of yours. This step is most essential if you are experiencing an alarming amount of turbulence in your relationship with your partner or spouse. It happens very often that small day-to-day skirmishes over some truly silly reasons finally snowball out of all proportion and create an irreparable rift between both parties concerned.
Learn to take it easy and talk with the person concerned and express your feelings and thoughts openly. Also, do not keep an “account” of anything. Let the bygones be bygones – leave alone the past and focus on building a better tomorrow with your relationship.
Of course, it has to be noted here that a relationship just will not work out right if one is trying to take undue advantage of the other. If you are being the victim in such a situation, the only way out for you would be to discontinue meeting that particular person and walk out of that relationship altogether.
In conclusion, you should understand that any relationship never completely works out unless there is a complete, 100% trust between both you and the other person involved. So learn to stop doubting people’s motives and learn to place trust in each and every one of your relationships, starting today!

Priya Viswanathan is the owner and publisher of http://www.InnerPowerPositive.com, a website that focuses on positive thinking as a way of life. Do visit http://relationships.innerpowerpositive.com for useful tips on love, marriage, dating and much more.